So few inches apart

“We are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens, so few inches apart
We must be awfully small and not as strong as we think we are”
– Rich Mullins

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Good intentions aren’t always enough are they? Early this morning, before getting up for the day, Micah quietly climbed into bed with me and Sarah. He was still thrown off by the switchover to standard time. Daylight savings time isn’t great for parents, but it’s especially not great for kids who are very reliant upon a consistent sleep schedule. I know I’m not alone here!

Micah and I had a quiet conversation together, thinking through the day ahead. He told me he was ready to have a good day. He was going to go to speech therapy and then to school where he was going to be kind to his teacher and a good listener.

But just a couple hours later when we were at speech therapy, Micah was angry and yelling in frustration. He threw a shoe, attempted to argue with me and said mean, hurtful things. He refused to calm down. But he did eventually calm down, and although it wasn’t the smoothest therapy session of all time, he made it through it.

Micah started off his day with good intentions, but good intentions aren’t enough. It’s a lot harder than that. We are not as strong as we think we are.

After therapy, I had Micah come back home to nap for a while. Nothing good was going to happen if I sent him to school without one. This I knew to be true. I would be coming back to help his teachers and paras calm him down otherwise. These are the sorts of things you learn parenting a child with special needs.

I’ve learned to stay calm in the turbulent moments. “Thick skin, tender heart” — this is my posture as a parent, both to my own children and to the teenagers that live in my home as a part of my family. And in this posture I still find myself not as strong as I think I am.

Today’s “where I noticed the light” photos are from my living room this morning. They include a few representations of Micah’s many moods, often in the course of a few minutes of each other.

But he’s persistent. After his nap he went to school and had a wonderful day with no issues.