You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Political Edition


Ok, so the Iowa Caucuses were this past Monday. I’ve already discussed some of it before now. But as is common after the Iowa Caucuses, candidates who did not fair well decide to end their campaigns for president, realizing they don’t have a chance.


Governor Huckabee is one of those people. The 2008 Republican winner of the Iowa Caucuses didn’t fair well this time around, and he hasn’t this whole campaign season. He is somewhat known for his humor and for his poor decisions of using metaphors and similes.

He was not a fan of the Iran deal.

This president’s foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven. This is the most idiotic thing, this Iran deal. It should be rejected by both Democrats and Republicans in Congress and by the American people. I read the whole deal. We gave away the whole store. It’s got to be stopped.

I guess he doesn’t trust Bernie:

And from the looks of it, he spent as much time on the details of his campaign as he did on his video remake of Adele’s song “Hello.” (It has now been taken down by his campaign).

So when it came time for him to drop out of the campaign I wondered if he would end it with another bad metaphor or simile. And well, I was close. This is what he said:


Ben Carson came in fourth place in the Iowa caucuses. But before the night was over, and perhaps as he started seeing the numbers coming in, Carson decided to head back home to Florida. The Cruz campaign apparently determined that this was Carson throwing in the towel before the caucuses were even completed. And so they said so publicly, apparently before getting any sort of statement from the Carson campaign.

They started suggesting that the Carson campaign was suspended, and therefore suggesting that “former” Carson supporters vote for Cruz.

But Carson was most definitely not dropping out. Larry Ross, a spokesman for Carson, stated that Carson “is not suspending his presidential campaign, which is stronger than ever,” and that “after spending 18 consecutive days on the campaign trail, Dr. Carson needs to go home and get a fresh set of clothes.”

All that for set of clothes.

Carson said that what Cruz did was a “dirty trick.”

He also told Fox and Friends,

“If Ted Cruz doesn’t know about this, then he clearly needs to very quickly get rid of some people in his organization, and if he does know about it, isn’t this the exact kind of thing that the American people are tired of? Why would we want to continue with that kind of shenanigan?”


Jim Gilmore, who only had a total of 12 votes on Monday, surprisingly didn’t drop out of the race. Not yet at least. Stephen Colbert reported on his show that there are in fact more Jim Gilmores in Iowa than people that voted for Jim Gilmore in Iowa.

You can’t make this kind of stuff up, folks.

Published by Andrew

a ragamuffin dad planting some sequoias

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