I was at Men’s Wearhouse the other day ordering a suit for a friend’s wedding that I’m celebrating in a few weeks. It’s been over eleven years since I last shopped at a Men’s Wearhouse. The last time I was at one was for my own wedding.
As I was at the checkout the salesman asked for my phone number to look up my account on his computer.
“Are you…Matthew?”
“No, I’m not. I’m Andrew.”
“Who is Matthew?”
“That’s my brother.”
Waves of unexpected grief and anxiety washed over me. I almost had to gasp for air because the suddenness of the rush of emotions about knocked me over. My ears were ringing.
I recently heard a phrase that I think I’m going to use from now on, perhaps as a mantra of some sort. It’s a phrase that describes the various flows of water in life. The currents flowing every which way, the ebb and flow of the tides of life, the storms, the waves both going in and out, sometimes crashing into each other. The undercurrents and riptides. The floods and the swells.
“There’s a lot of water in the water.”
Oh, there is!
I shot photography at a beautiful wedding last weekend and then shot at an emotional but also uniquely beautiful memorial service for a baby boy two days later. The happiest day of a couple’s life crashing into one of the saddest sort of days a couple can encounter.
“There’s a lot of water in the water.”
Micah was recently put on a new med that I thought wouldn’t make much difference, but it’s been tremendously effective, giving my heart hope in a way that it hasn’t felt in a couple years at least. I’m being cautious about getting my hopes up. School starts in a little over two weeks. We’ll see how the transition goes. But it’s like I have my kiddo back again. My heart doesn’t know how to feel about it all!
“There’s a lot of water in the water.”
Work this summer has been long and sometimes quite draining. The responsibilities are hard and often very heavy to carry. Our girls have had great behaviors overall, however, and that does make things go much more smoothly. The payoff of hard work. I am grateful for that. But two of our girls have left successfully in the last couple weeks and two more leave this weekend. Oof. It’s sometimes so hard to say goodbye. Admin has been quick to fill our home back up with new kiddos, which is fine, but sometimes it’s a challenge to start fresh again.
“There’s a lot of water in the water.”
Raising a teenage girl along with our two boys has been rewarding in its challenges. My heart is often tender due to just this responsibility alone. I never know what each day will bring. A hard conversation or a deeply meaningful and joyous one? Sometimes both.
“There’s a lot of water in the water.”
Processing the grief of the loss of my brother continues. It sneaks up unexpectedly, like at a Men’s Wearhouse.
“There’s a lot of water in the water.”
Stepping Back 