Lent Day Twelve: Bread

Two weeks ago my van almost didn’t start because it was -20 degrees when I took the girls to school. The windshield wiper fluid came out gloppy when I tried to spray it to help defrost the windshield. The groans of the van’s suspension in the frigid cold worried me as I drove over the speed bumps on campus.

Today it was 64 degrees.

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. The sun shone brightly, beautifully. It was wonderful.

I knew that I had an appointment at 1:00pm today. Sometime around 11:00am I thought about how I had two hours to myself before that meeting. Time to myself is truly scarce these days. And my scarcity mindset gripped me hard. What should I do in those two hours?

Should I take a nap?
Should I take a shower?
Should I sit on the porch?
Should I watch a show?
Should I get some work done in the office?

I rattled off those and many more options in my head. What can I do in the next two hours that I think will be the least waste of my time? What will make me feel the best in this amount of time? Which one is the most likely for me to have the least regret for how I spent my time.

I know this is overthinking things, and it is a marker that alerts me to the level of anxiety I truly am operating at these days. So I decided to strop trying to overthink it. I grabbed my AirPods and put on a podcast, and went outside with my camera and sat on my front porch in the sunlight.

It was very relaxing. I sat there soaking in the warmth of the end-of-winter sunlight and watched the leaves twirl up in tiny little tornados of wind. I was able to enjoy the moment fully. I was reminded of similar times in similar weather throughout my life. Perhaps there’s nothing in this life I enjoy more than to feel the warmth of the sun on my face in the midst of a cool breeze.

Today I am thankful that I was able to escape that scarcity mindset for a while and simply sit in the sun and enjoy the moment.

Here are some recent photos from the last few days:

Published by Andrew

a ragamuffin dad planting some sequoias

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