What is normal will soon be changing
We will be moving in two weeks. My mornings that have become routine and familiar are about to change dramatically. I’ve written this to remind myself of what a typical morning has been for me for the last year or so. It’s these sorts of details that get pushed to the back recesses of our memories. But I want to be able to look back someday in the future and remember what these mornings were like.
My eyes slowly open.
There’s pink sunlight peeking through the cracks of the blinds. It’s still early.
I’m crumpled up on the edge of my bed. Even though my arm is uncomfortably tucked under my pillow I don’t want to move an inch. I’m not ready for the morning routine to start. I feel it’s too early for that.
I don’t actually know what time it is. My phone is on the beside table, but if I reach for it, I can almost guarantee that Micah will spring wide awake. His feet are touching my back.
Oh great, he musts have heard my thoughts. He’s starting to jostle.
Must. Remain. Still.
Can’t. Feel. Arm.
Ok. I can’t do it anymore. I have to move my arm.
Micah sighs. Squirms a bit, but miraculously remains asleep.
Maybe I can reach my phone after all.
Ok. Got it.
Ugh, 5:41. I guess it could be worse. Micah is still asleep.
I decide to roll into a more comfortable position. Every movement sounds deafening. I’m sure this is going to wake up Micah.
Yep.
He rolls over and sits up. He clasps his pacifier and puts it in his mouth, looking around the room, still groggy.
“Why don’t you lie down again, Micah. It’s still early.”
“Potty, daddy. Potty.”
Sigh.
“Ok, Micah. Go potty.”
“Help, daddy. Help please.”
“You can do it. You’re a big boy. You can go potty by yourself.”
“No. Help please, daddy.”
Sigh.
“Ok. Let’s go.”
5:49 am
“Micah, come back and lie down. It’s still early. Daddy doesn’t want to get up yet.”
“Oh, ok, daddy.”
I tuck him into bed next to me hoping he’ll fall back asleep again.
It’s unlikely to happen, but one can hope. He rolls on his side, grabs my hand and motions for me to rub his back.
I rub his little back as he starts breathing deeper and slower.
I recognize how precious this moment really is. It’s just me and my first born son.
Ezra is upstairs still sleeping. Missy is still resting in her crate. Sarah will be getting off work in about an hour.
5:55 am
I look at my phone. It’s still not 6:00. And Micah isn’t falling asleep. I’m just his personal masseuse.
I’m not really in the mood today to get up this early.
6:00 am
“Blue outside. Blue outside, daddy.”
“Yeah, it’s blue outside.”
“Eat, daddy. Eat.”
“No, we’re going to wait until your brother wakes up before we eat. Let’s just stay in bed for a while longer. Can you wait?”
“Noooooo.”
“Yeah. I think you can.”
“Do you want to watch a show on the iPad?”
“Yeah! Super Why! Super Why, daddy!”
“Ok. You can watch Super Why.”
I give him the iPad, turn on Super Why, roll over and check my social media feeds.
6:04 am
Ugh. This world. The violence. More than 80 people killed in France. Horrible.
It feels like there are more days of violence than there are of peace anymore.
6:09 am
Uh oh. Missy is starting to whine. I need to let her out. But Micah seems content watching the iPad right now. If I get up to let Missy out, he’s going to want to get up too.
“Micah, I’m going to let Missy out to go potty. Can you stay here and watch Super why?”
“Ok, daddy.”
I let Missy out and a few seconds later Micah is standing behind me.
“Missy potty. Missy potty.”
“Yep, Missy is going potty.”
6:14 am
“Ok, Micah, let’s go back in bed for a little while.”
“Baby, daddy. Baby.”
“Yeah. He’s still sleeping so we need to be quiet, so we don’t wake him up.”
“Eat, daddy. Eat.”
“We’ll eat when he gets up.”
We get back in bed. Micah’s patience ends when the episode of Super Why ends.”
6:34 am
After Micah made a few loud noises jumping and skipping around the hallway, I can hear Ezra is awake. He’s talking to himself.
Micah gets super excited.
“Baby! Baby, daddy! Baby!”
“Yes, I hear him too Micah. Ezra’s awake.”
“Eat, daddy! Eat.”
“Ok. I’ll go get Ezra and then we’ll eat.”
6:37 am
I climb over the baby gate into the kitchen, looking at all the dirty dishes that need to be dealt with as I walk by. I open the door to go upstairs to Ezra’s room.
The air conditioner hums.
“Daddy!”
“Hi Ezra! Good morning.”
“Morning!”
When I pick up Ezra I notice his shorts are completely drenched.
Ugh.
6:39 am
I take off Ezra’s clothes and put on a new diaper. I don’t feel like trying to find new shorts, so I just let him be naked for the moment.
Micah: “Super Why cereal! Super Why cereal!”
“Ok boys, go to your chairs. I’ll get you the Super Why cereal.”
Ezra protests: “No Super Why cereal. Granola bars, daddy. Granola bars!”
“Ok Ezra. I’ll give you a granola bar.”
I open the box, spill out some cereal in front of each of them to eat. And I give Ezra a granola bar.
6:54 am
“More granola bar, daddy!”
“More Super Why cereal, daddy!”
6:58 am
Ok. I need to make some coffee. I haven’t used my Chemex for a while. That sounds good.
I begin my coffee ritual:
Turn on the water. Weigh the beans. Grind the beans.
Just the smell of the ground beans puts me in a relaxed mood.
The water boils. I pour the water over the grinds.
Coffee.
7:10 am
There are blocks and cars and toys and shoes scattered all over the living room floor. The couch cushions are there too.
The kids run around the room playing with the scattered toys.
Then they throw them back on the floor.
Sarah’s on her way home. I’m just going to sit and enjoy my coffee for a while. Maybe think about putting on some pants.
7:16 am
I can’t sit and look at the mess anymore. I need to clean it up.
“Hey boys! Do you want to clean up some of your toys?”
“No thanks, daddy.”
Yeah. Me neither.
7:24 am
Ok. I could at least put the couch cushions on the couch and put away some of the shoes.
7:30 am
Coffee is mostly gone. I may need to make another cup today.
Is today already a two-cup day of coffee?
7:34 am
Sarah appears and the front door and comes home. The boys cheer.
“Mommy!”
They tell her about eating Super Why cereal and granola bars.
Ezra uses a pitiful voice to tell her, “Cold, mommy. Cold. Brrr.”
Sarah responds, “Oh honey. Are you cold? You’re not wearing any clothes.”
Whoops.
7:38 am
Ezra knows the routine.
“Night night, mommy. Night night.”
Sarah says, “Yep, it’s time for Mommy to go night night. Good job.”
7:40 am
Sarah heads upstairs to go to sleep.
I get Missy some food and water, and then try to convince the kids to head down to the basement to hang for the day.
Stepping Back 