Yesterday, when I woke up ten minutes before my alarm (as per my ushe), the first thought I had was, “Oh, no!” I felt a sharp pain in the back of my throat, my face felt stiff, and my head was heavy will the dullest feeling of a headache.
I have a history of getting sick on New Year’s. Multiple years throughout my childhood I missed out on parties with family and friends due to laying miserably in bed with a high fever, from either pneumonia, strep, or the simple seasonal cold.
So when I woke up with those symptoms yesterday, I feared that I’d be getting sick once again just in time for New Year’s. But for the most part I tried keeping it at bay yesterday. I took some meds, and drank about ten cups of various sorts of teas. It kind of worked.
We currently have five teenage girls living with us, and they’re on break until January 6th. Even though things are fairly chill right now in the home, I’d rather not leave my wife to account for seven people on her own. So I pitched in as much as I felt I could.
I took one of our girls to a doctor’s appointment last night at 9:00pm. We waited around inside the exam room for about 30 minutes before the nurse practitioner finally made her way in to assess. At that point I was ready for bed, but sometimes you just got to push through.
After getting home, I drank some more tea, popped an ibuprofen, and prepared to hit the hay. The boys set up a big fort in the apartment living room made out of PVC pipes, bedsheets and tablecloths. They agreed to both sleep in it for a night. So I tiptoed around our creaky floors hoping not to wake either of them up before I made it to my own bed.
This morning I woke up not feeling terribly different. Thankfully, I didn’t feel worse than I did yesterday. I did remember having some very fever-like dreams. One in particular was of the girl I took to the doctor yesterday. She had some sort of major meltdown. I heard some things in the main part of the house and when I opened the hallway door I saw that she had trashed the living room, and was tearing things off the walls. She came running at me and kept slamming into the door over and over, like a scene from “I am Legend.” She was doing it so hard that she was breaking the door from the hinges. I closed the door and went back to my room, upset that she had destroyed so many of the things in the house.
I’m not someone who sleeps in, so I willed myself to get out of bed this morning, though I was feeling pretty crummy. I ate a bowl of Raisin Bran in the quiet of the morning hours. Micah was downstairs, Ezra was in our apartment living room. I enjoyed some quiet to myself before the long New Year’s Eve day ahead.
I made myself a cup of coffee. I can’t smell much right now, but I could smell that. And it immediately made me feel a bit better. I had tea all throughout the day before, but nothing is quite like coffee.
I decided to go start the shower. I brought my “World’s Best Boss” mug (a gift from a former assistant of ours — delight!) with me to the bathroom. I took off the clothes I had slept in. I stepped over to the scale and weighed myself with displeasure. Why do I do this to myself? I thought as I looked at the number on the digital screen.
I picked up my mug again, and I looked at myself in the mirror.
There I stood, on the morning of the last day of 2025, naked, round, and ridiculous-looking. Instead of chugging the rest of my coffee, I stepped into the shower with it. Something I don’t think I’ve done before.
The shower was steam-filled, and I took warm sips of my coffee in delight. I might not have felt great, but I still was full of delight. The warmth of the water washed over my body while the coffee both warmed and washed my spirits and my soul.
And if that’s how I end the year, so be it.
Stepping Back 