Made it to the other side

Reflections & Ramblings: Volume Forty-One

I.

People define prayer in different ways. I’m 39 years old and still don’t understand what exactly it is. But nothing feels more like prayer to me than getting up three hours before the Winter Solstice sunrise and quietly getting out of bed, careful to not wake my wife, and walking to the bathroom never turning on a light. But then, in the bathroom, lighting a candle, one of those candles with three wicks. Then it feels like stripping down to nothing and stepping into the shower, warm water washing over my head. Inside my head swirl thoughts from the previous night, for the day ahead, and the aches of this little life of mine then bubble up to the surface of my consciousness. There I stand naked before God. Words slip out in whispers and mumbles. There are details that I have no words for, so my heart just makes these sorts of groans instead. The Spirit steps in for me in these moments. He does most of the heavy lifting, go figure.

It’s not a Mary Oliver poem, but that’s prayer to me in a nutshell.

Then, with streaks of water coming down the walls, I step back out of the shower, dry myself off, and step into the day still dark.

II.

If taking a shower is prayer, then making a cup of coffee is worship: warm, fragrant, energizing. The smell of the coffee beans mixes with the candle still burning in the bathroom in a confusing aromatic symphony. Hallelujah!

III.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the sun rose this morning. I made it to the other side of the solstice. (Even though for some reason I know that’s not actually until 9:03am here in Omaha today). But it’s 9:20am now, so it’s official.

IV.

It’s not a guarantee we all make it, you know. My brother was in a car accident that resulted in the loss of his life two weeks later. The accident happened in the darkest hours of the darkest day of the year five years ago. Not sure he ever regained consciousness on the other side of the solstice. Nothing is ever guaranteed. We’d do ourselves a favor to remember that as we go about our days.