My wife Sarah has been out of town this weekend with some friends. So Micah, Ezra, and I had a guys weekend at home. It was extremely pleasant. We spent good quality time together.
It’s so interesting after helping raise so many peoples’ kids with varying backgrounds, upbringings, cultures, values, and expectations, I grow accustomed to a lifestyle that is fairly one-sided relationally. I put in a lot without much being given back to me. That’s ok, I know what I signed up for. But sometimes I grow so accustomed to it that when my own children show interest in me, or want to be like me, or simply want to spend time with me doing whatever I’m doing, I feel so fortunate, so whole, so loved.
I’m at a stage of parenting with my own boys where they still enjoy spending time with me, in fact they seek it out. They pine for it. This is not the case for the teenagers that live with me, who not only don’t understand the way I am and the way I live, but they often are repulsed by it. My desire to do better each day, to work hard, to not live in a calculated pragmatic way in which I am doing things only to benefit myself — these are not the values of the teenagers that live with me.
I recently watched the movie Perfect Days by Wim Wenders in the theater with my friend Dennis. It’s a tremendously beautiful film that instantly made its way into one of my top five films of all time. I was so deeply happy watching every minute of it in the theater with Dennis sitting beside me. I was so happy in fact, that I was immediately saddened by the fact that I would never get to watch it for the first time ever again. I went into the movie knowing nothing about it, and it blew me away. And I knew I wouldn’t ever get that experience again.
On Friday night, I was looking through recent movies that have been released and saw the Perfect Days was available for purchase. I immediately purchased it and started watching the beginning scenes. Ezra and Micah were with me in my bed and asked me about it. I told them that it was a movie that I recently had seen and loved and I wanted to just see the beginning again. So the three of us started watching it and I noticed that Ezra and Micah were both transfixed by it. They too were loving the beauty and simplicity of the film.
“I can see why you really like this movie dad. I like it, too.”
Micah had similar things to say. He also asked a lot of questions about the movie and what was going on. Thoughtful questions that showed he was appreciating the same things I appreciated about the film. Noticing the meaning behind the way the story was being told.
It kind of blew my mind. This movie is super slow-paced, and there’s almost no plot whatsoever. There is more left unsaid than is said, but they were picking up on all those things themselves. And I only could laugh to myself because of how deeply satisfying it was to me that they were enjoying this movie as well. It was like watching it for the first time again.
This entire weekend has been that way. The boys seeking out things to do with me, to relate with me. They want to be with me, to be like me, to be liked by me. And it’s so special and I feel so fortunate. We watched an episode of one of Anthony Bourdain’s shows where he travelled to Hokkaido, Japan because Ezra is so into Japanese culture and language right now. He’s been using Duolingo each day to learn Japanese because Sarah told him that we’d take him to Japan once he could speak the language. He is very motivated. It’s super cute. But I laid in bed with them as we watched Anthony explore Sapporo and other cities in Hokkaido, and it was so neat to see how interested they were — not just in watching the episode and learning about another culture and their food and customs, but to do so with me. They both brought in their own pillows from their beds and got themselves situated and comfy to snuggle up together. Ezra asked to hold my hand “the way we used to” where he interlocks his fingers with mine. The whole weekend was sweet and simple like this.
They even worked together to clean the living room and they scrubbed the bathroom really well, pretending they were a bathroom cleaning company called “Boys Town Toilet” (inspired by the movie Perfect Days). We enjoyed meals together, conversations, jokes, and late bed times.
There’s a scene in Perfect Days where the main character’s niece asks him when they can go to the ocean together. And he replies, “Next time.” She then follows up by asking, “When is next time?” And he responds, “Next time is next time. Now is Now.” And they repeat that a few times together, thoughtfully as they bike around together in the streets of Tokyo.
Micah thought that scene was neat and has repeated that phrase a few times this weekend as we have enjoyed each other’s company.
“Next time is next time. Now is now.
Next time is next time. Now is now.
Next time is next time. Now is now.”
Perfect Days, indeed.
Stepping Back 